Denali reaches 38 weeks!

Ok... ooookaaayyyy... it looks as if the baby could arrive any day now. I don't know if I am ready or not. Actually, I do know... and I'm not ready.

Our midwife visit yesterday revealed that the baby is fully formed and that a birth around this time would be absolutley fine. The baby's head has not yet engaged, but it is lying in a good anterior position. Today we purchased a breast pump, a microwave steriliser, two small feeding bottles, a thermacell woollen blanket and a Safe-T-Sleep cot and bassinet device. I also bought a DVD called 'Sour Grapes', which is a movie written and directed by Larry David... not that you care.

On Saturday we went to our first anitnatal class. Denali and I were pleased to discover that we were both up with the play in terms of knowing about the finer details of the labour process. It was also really good to learn a few new things and receive advice about the best relaxation techniques and the pros and cons of using different pain killers such as having an epidural, using gas or pethedine.

The men were given homework to do and we have to present our findings about a certain aspect of the labour process to the rest of the group next week. At first they gave me 'Ventouse', but I swapped it for 'Cesarean Section'. I narrowly missed out on 'Episiotemy'. I am thinking about demonstrating a c-section on a water melon to vividly illustrate what is involved. Denali has advised against doing so.

Next week we are watching a birth video. I have already seen a couple: 1) My Mum's cesarean section when she had my brother Stephen. 2) A full frontal birth I saw at University while studying early child development. Both videos were equally disgusting, which is why I will not be turning on my video camera until the baby is out and ready to have the umbilical cord cut.

Speaking of umbilical cords and placentas and such. We were told that TOM CRUISE WAS, IS or HAS eaten the placenta and umbilical cord of his new baby. Why he is GOING TO or HAS done this I think has something to do with the nutrients inside the placenta. I HAVE NO FRIGGIN IDEA WHY HE WOULD CONSIDER EATING THE UMBILICAL CORD THOUGH!!! This could be a weird rumour stemming from all the other scientology based stories about him. Who knows.

If I was going to eat a placenta, I wonder what would compliment such a dish. Perhaps fried eggs and toast? Maybe a small portion of roast chicken and some fine white wine? Perhaps next week's Top 10 List could be 'Top 10 Complimentary Dishes for a Placenta'. That will probably make some people hurl on their keyboards so I should seriously give that one a miss.

Anyhoo, this coming Saturday is our last antinatal class, but I think we are fairly confident that we are ready for this birth, although I have no idea how long or how tiring it will be... for Denali. We have had a hospital bag ready and packed for the last week and a half now. We have towels on the bed for when the water breaks. We have the midwife's number on speed dial. Actually, all this will make the labour process sound quite alarming and sudden, when in fact it isn't. The labour process begins slowly (for those of you who don't know), and gradually speeds up. So, we can actually stay at home until the last minute before heading in to the hospital.

In other news, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY ON THE 30th of APRIL! THAT'S THIS SUNDAY PEOPLE! For those of you sending gifts (which should be everyone), please just send money so I can buy a cool scooter. No cards, no other presents... just money! Collllllllld haaaarrrd caaasssshhh. I am also hoping to get a baby on my birthday too, although that would direct the attention away from me, which is perhaps not so good. Bah! The baby can come on May 1.

For those of you who received my tribute to M&Ms, you should know that I have sent it to the M&M company in the hope that I will receive free merchandise. I made my initial e-mail to them sound like a little kid who just wanted to send them a cute drawing he had done. They will be shocked! If you did not receive the M&M tribute and would like to see it, please either send me an e-mail (lordbiggus@gmail.com) or just post a request on the blog.

-Rich