DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
SEE SPIDERMAN 3!
It is unequivocally the worst film
excreted from Hollywood in years.
In fact, this week's TOP 10 List is...
SEE SPIDERMAN 3!
It is unequivocally the worst film
excreted from Hollywood in years.
In fact, this week's TOP 10 List is...
TOP 10 reasons Spiderman 3 should not have been released... ever!
10. Fundamental character confusion: Peter Parker turns into a cocky, flirting idiot for 45 minutes of the film... supposedly as a result of some alien goo exaggerating his characteristics, which funny enough also turns him into an angry goth teenager.
9. Blatant American cheese: There is actually a shot where Spidey lands in front of a waving American flag. I nearly choked on my straw.
8. Terrible acting: Just wait until you see Peter Parker and MJ cry together at the end. It's really, really funny!
7. Awful plot exposition: At the climax of the film they cut back and forth between a news reporter who informs us melodramatically about what is going on in the skies above her. Her lines are "I cannot believe what my eyes are seeing!"... and the audience shared this thought in despair as we watched a $250m film plummet to its doom.
6. Peter Parker dancing: Our theatre roared with laughter. I cried. I cried hard. I still weep when I think about it. It's awful.... just awful.
5. The line spoken by character Eddie Brock (Venom) as he prays to Jesus on the cross: "It's Brock sir, Edward Brock Jr. I'm here humbled and humiliated to ask you for one thing... I want you to kill Peter Parker."... I waited for Jesus to reply, but he seemed to have his head bowed in shame... no doubt hoping that no one would recognise him in such a bad film.
4. The most interesting villain (Venom) shows up in the last 15 minutes. The most boring villain (an angry sand dune) seems to simply annoy Spidey all the through and then apologise at the end.
3. Too much time spent on special effects and not enough on the story. The effects are good, but that should never be an excuse to give a film a good rating.
2. It's a chick-flick.
1. The ONLY redeeming feature of this film is the performance by Bruce Campbell as a French maitre d'. He is very, very funny. They could have just released his scene and then put up an apology to the audience that could have simply read...
10. Fundamental character confusion: Peter Parker turns into a cocky, flirting idiot for 45 minutes of the film... supposedly as a result of some alien goo exaggerating his characteristics, which funny enough also turns him into an angry goth teenager.
9. Blatant American cheese: There is actually a shot where Spidey lands in front of a waving American flag. I nearly choked on my straw.
8. Terrible acting: Just wait until you see Peter Parker and MJ cry together at the end. It's really, really funny!
7. Awful plot exposition: At the climax of the film they cut back and forth between a news reporter who informs us melodramatically about what is going on in the skies above her. Her lines are "I cannot believe what my eyes are seeing!"... and the audience shared this thought in despair as we watched a $250m film plummet to its doom.
6. Peter Parker dancing: Our theatre roared with laughter. I cried. I cried hard. I still weep when I think about it. It's awful.... just awful.
5. The line spoken by character Eddie Brock (Venom) as he prays to Jesus on the cross: "It's Brock sir, Edward Brock Jr. I'm here humbled and humiliated to ask you for one thing... I want you to kill Peter Parker."... I waited for Jesus to reply, but he seemed to have his head bowed in shame... no doubt hoping that no one would recognise him in such a bad film.
4. The most interesting villain (Venom) shows up in the last 15 minutes. The most boring villain (an angry sand dune) seems to simply annoy Spidey all the through and then apologise at the end.
3. Too much time spent on special effects and not enough on the story. The effects are good, but that should never be an excuse to give a film a good rating.
2. It's a chick-flick.
1. The ONLY redeeming feature of this film is the performance by Bruce Campbell as a French maitre d'. He is very, very funny. They could have just released his scene and then put up an apology to the audience that could have simply read...
"The remainder of this picture isn't worth watching. You may now leave the theatre. Thank you."
My verdict: Just say "No!" to Spiderman 3!
3 comments:
Submitted to digg at http://digg.com/movies/Top_Ten_Reasons_NOT_to_see_Spiderman_3. Cheers for the laugh ;)
I totally agree with everything on your list - watching that 'film' with you tonight was one of the most disappointing movie experiences of my life. I can't believe how embarressed I felt for the movie itself. If I could forget it existed that would be awesome. I still rate the first two well, but this has seriously ruined the franchise for me. Everything on that list is correct apart from number 2 actually - that implies girls might like it. The first action scene with Harry was good, and so was Bruce Campbell, the rest was somewhat below par. Dammit Sam Raimi. Dammit.
You warned me not to see it but i had to. So now I need help. I can only assume that the 250 mill was spent on those highly trained actors playing spiderman at the premieres on the red carpet. They had the posing down!
I stood up at the end an clapped. What else could you do to such a waste of the worlds time. I would rather browse youtube for movies relating to the word shocking.
Isaac
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